Tuesday, June 3, 2008

God He Sucks (girl edition)

God the WNBA sucks! I mean its awful! Has anyone actually watched these girls try, key word try, to play basketball? Its painful to try and watch them play what I would say resembles basketball. The argument is made that they are fundamentally sound, but who gives a crap. If its boring and you know nothing exciting is going to happen then why tune in? God it sucks!

Lets start by talking about the entertainment value of the league. The fact that these girls have dunked a grand total of two times in the history of the league thus far. That is not a typo that total is actually two times. These dunks are both by the same player too (Lisa Leslie), who just took time off for maternity leave last season. I mean honestly WTF! Who allows for maternity leave in sports? But that is besides the point I am trying to make right now, and we will get to that later. The point I am going for is the fact that its not entertaining. Dunks are really fun to watch and can change momentum. They get the crowd into the game and in the NBA are sometimes incredible. The two dunks in the WBNA history both would classify as "lame as hell" in the NBA. So why would you wanna watch someone make an awesome layup? You don't! God this league sucks! Also who wants to watch a bunch of girls run around and play a game that we all know they are not the best in the world at? I mean given they are the best girls in the world but if you wanna watch someone better you just flip the channel to an NBA game. Hell you can even watch a local AAU boys game that will have more talent on the floor and that is more entertaining. God these girls suck!

Now back to the maternity leave situation. How would you feel if you were a Laker's fan and Kobe Bryant decided to take off the up coming season due to Paternity leave? I know that Jack Nicholson himself would personally go on a rampage. I mean seriously how can you even think of a situation like that in a real sport? If you honestly can say that would be legitimate for an NBA star to do that then we know who is keeping the WNBA in business. Now what annoys me more than anything in sports is seeing a grown man cry after he loses a game. Yes sometimes its a forgivable offense, but those are very few and far between offenses. In this WNBA you have girls crying all the damn time, and I hate to be repetitive but God that Sucks! In the words of Tom Hanks "There's no crying in baseball", that motto in my mind should be applied to all sports.

Now lets move on to the advertising for the league. This "Expect Great" campaign is complete crap because these women are not great at basketball. Given they are better then an average Joe off the Streets but lets compare them to say a High School boys team. Pick a top 15 team in any state and that team will most likely beat any WNBA team. Given some states top 15 may not be as strong, Alaska, Hawaii, North Dakota and a few others but the majority would be able to run a WNBA team off the court. Whats even better is the advertisements where they have the WNBA player saying how bad the girls suck. They are actually making a great point for the first 20 seconds or so in the commercial They are talking about how bad these girls actually are at basketball. Then at the end they make some lame comment like "she wouldn't say that....would you?". So to answer your question I would say that, and so did she you moron. She just told us the truth and you tried to make her lie about how good the league is when in all honesty God these girls sucks! Now there is a slogan this league could use.

-Maloney-

Friday, September 14, 2007

I Want to Marry Football

I've decided that im gonna get married, yes folks you read that right im getting married to my mistress. "Who is that you might ask?" Well its football. Yes thats right i am gonna marry football.Now you are probably thinking im cazy but let me explain. If you think about it makes sense. Football never lets you down. Even if your favorite team loses at least you got to watch it go down on the battle feild of glory. And i mean if you really wanna get into the details. Once you get married you have to think "How often does your wife put out?"Well when you marry football the answer is at least 4 days a week, not to mention every day for a month when bowl season starts. That is way more than a real wife. And the best part is that football puts out all day on Saturdays and Sundays, as well as the regularly Monday night and Thursday night. Also once football is over and the seaons ends, it still doesnt dissapoint you. You have the NFL draft to think about for the next two months. Then after the draft football will go into hybernation. Or at least you think. There is then Arena football, and training camp comes just around the corner. So when football is even at its lowest point it is only teasing you. Which is what women do all the time. So that short period of time when football isnt at its peak it makes you want it so much more.And once it comes back you realize how much you missed it and you cherish its every game and love its every play. So thank you football for allowing me to love you the way i do. I can only hope you accept my proposal.So what will it be football a June wedding just before training camp?

Sunday, September 9, 2007

NFL Rankings 2007

This is a blog where Mike Jones, Adam Maloney and myself can complain about things in sports that bother us. It is hopefully going to make us famous and help us retired early.


To begin i want to give my preseason rankings from 1-32 for the upcoming (one game down) NFL season.



32. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Well for starters lets just talk about why on earth any team in their right mind would keep 4 quarterbacks on their roster. Don't get me wrong Jeff Garcia and and Chris Simms I think are adequate quarterbacks in the right system, Gratkowski might have potential, however since he is a product of Toledo I question how sweet he could possibly ever be seeing as Toledo is about as worthless a city as any in this country. That being said, why is Luke McCown there, you can't possibly tell me there will ever be a day when you would need 3 quarterbacks, let alone 4, and chances are if you do ever need 4 that you are having such a bad day that you should probably just throw in the towel. As far as their chances at doing much of anything I would say its impossible, Cadillac can't possibly do worse than last year, but their recievers are mediocre and very thin, they lost Simeon Rice, John Gruden hasn't done anything good lately and Mike Alstott is out for the season. I just dont see any hope for them in a tough Division with a tough schedule.


31. Oakland Raiders
I say this for one reason...they totally suck. Al Davis sucks, they sucked last year (so much so that people were saying with their schedule they might not win a single game lucky for them they preyed upon a dejected Arizona team after they blew up against the bears.) They had the #1 overall pick and hes sitting at home because management can't give him a fair deal. They play in a division where they are bound to lose at least 4 division games a year. They traded their best player (randy moss) for a 4th round pick, then turned around and cut Quentin Moses the first pick of the 3rd round who was having a pretty good camp. The only way a 3rd round pick who can still play football should be cut is if he plays for the patriots or a highly talented team that has no room for another body. The Raiders are not in this situation. On the bright side their Defense is stellar (I have them in fantasy for now), they have a coach who doesn't look like he wants to die on the sidelines. I think Lane Kiffin (regardless of age) will be a good coach in this league. However, this is not the team to start with. Culpepper even if he is healthy doesnt have much to work with, and they should have got him only if they were keeping Randy Moss because those two guys have really only been good when they played together (Moss won't look bad with Brady throwing to him though). This new is a new owner away from being any good and this is not their year.

30. Cleveland Browns
They may be better than 30th, but I will clear this up quickly...I HATE THE BROWNS...therefore I think they will be terrible and this is why. People say their defense is pretty good, I don't exactly understand this, because they werent any good last year, and they didnt do much to improve it...they added and OT a QB and a G/T/C in Eric Steinbach. LeCharles Bently is still hurt, Kellen Winslow thinks hes God's gift to the world which makes me hate him even more than i already do. Their quarterback situation makes me laugh because what Romeo Crommell was saying by naming a quarterback is that Charlie Frye is no better than Doug Johnson, and Brady Quinn is either worse than both of them or doesn't know the system well enough because he thinks that he deserves to be paid like a 3rd overall pick when in fact 21 teams passed on him and he was the 22nd overall pick. Brady Quinn may have some potential in the future, but going to Cleveland is not the best lot in life (see Couch, Tim). Their offense has potential to be better in the future but their QB's are adequate at best, their division is perhaps the deepest in the league, and their coach has no room to gamble as he sits on the hot seat. All that being said i think that Cleveland is a 4-12 or 5-11 team this year.

29. Miami Dolphins
The Dolphins are old and not very good. Cam Cameron comes from San Diego and has a shot as success, but lets be honest the Dolphins are not the Chargers. They gambled on Daunte Culpepper and lost horribly. I think they are still paying Ricky Williams, or at least their salary cap is. Their previous coach could have cared less about the team, and wanted out of the NFL about as quickly as he got in. But what takes the cake for me is when the Dolphins passed on Brady Quinn at #9 and took Ted Ginn Jr. instead. Don't get me wrong i like Ginn (I went to OSU and have his autographed jersey) but you can find a speed receiver with return capabilities later in the draft (Devin Hester was a 4th rounder) and one in a million. But when you are a team with a good defense who has lacked leadership at Quarterback since Marino retired and you have the 9th pick and one of the highly touted QB's of the draft falls to you...you take him no questions asked and get a reciever/returner later in the draft. Oh and did i mention they are in the Patriots Division? yeah they have no shot.

28. Detroit Lions
I like Jon Kitna I am a Bengals fan and he did a decent job for us when he was there. In Mike Martz's offense he will throw the ball all over the place to Calvin Johnson, Roy Williams, and dont forget Mike Furrey. However, they have no running game, no defense, and most importantly Mike Millian is still in charge. Also, I hate Skip Bayless of ESPN First Down more than anyone and he actually thinks the Lions are going to make the playoffs but if you have ever seen him on TV you know is retarded. The one thing good for the Lions is that their division is horrible which should count for a few wins, but i still put them in the top ten in next years draft...who are the Top WR's available next year??? I'm sure Matt Millan knows so i won't worry about it.

27. Kansas City Chiefs
They made the playoffs last year with mostly the same team. However, their coach is an idiot (although a seemingly nice guy thanks to HBO) when it comes to coaching moves...how is it that Marty Schotteheimer gets canned after winning 14 games with basically a rookie QB and losing to Tom Brady in the Playoffs, and Herm Edwards keeps his job after going 9-7 and having the same playoff track record...Mind bottling (thanks blades of glory). Larry Johnson may have one more good year left, but the D's he will face this year are tough. Also remember he just got paid which tends to lessen a players abilities. Good news for the Cheifs...Brodie Croyles wife is gorgeous and her accent is even better...hopefully we can see more of her and less of the chiefs on the field.

26. Minnesota Vikings
Reasons they wont be good: Travarus Jackson

Reasons to have hope: Adrian Peterson, Matt Millan

25. Buffalo Bills
J.P Losman and Lee Evans are good, so are all the Ohio State DB's on their roster. Marshawn Lynch at his best is probably no Willis McGahee and is probably likely to have a couple illegitmate children like the previous buffalo RB's (McGahee, Travis Henry) before its all said and done. But remember they gave Nate Clements and Takeo Spikes and Willis McGahee away in the offseason and they werent very good last year.

24. New York Giants
No Tiki Barber, Michael Strahan held out because he knew training camp with Coughlin would suck...and they still have Eli Manning and Tom Coughlin...they arent even the best team that plays in their stadium.

23. Washington Redskins
Jason Campbell could be good, but the verdict is still out on him, if Clinton Portis and Ladell Betts stay healthy they could surprise some people in a division that is up for grabs. This is the first team that i think has a chance to do something and perhaps make a run at the playoffs, but they overpay and are usually underacheivers and Joe Gibbs is about as out of it as any coach ever except for maybe Art Shell last year. I dont expect much this year, but i wouldnt be surprised if they put together a decent season.

22. Green Bay Packers
Their defense is pretty good and very underrated, they lost Ahman Green (6'0" 218) but replaced him with Brandon Jackson another Nebraska back (5'10" 212). Ahman Green was always an underrated back, and I think that Jackson will be about the same only younger so that situation is a wash or perhaps even an improvement since Jackson is 9 years younger. They have had a pretty decent receiving corp but if you ask me Brett Farve is the reason that
this team will not succeed this year. Don't get me wrong I am sure he is the best option on the team, Aaron Rogers doesn't seem to be the answer, and you can't sit a Brett Farve, but I am not so sure why everyone thinks Brett Farve is so great. He has always thrown way too many interceptions, and yes he has won a Super Bowl and has a cannon, but he seems to think he can thread the ball anywhere. He has never thrown less than 13 picks a season (95 and 96 when they were good) and has thrown 10 more picks than TD's in the past two seasons combined. He is clearly past his prime, and to make matters worse he has handcuffed the Packers for 3 years now by debating his future until after the draft. If you ask me Michael Jordan should have stayed retired, and Brett Farve should have quit a long time ago and let the Packers move on. They don't have the firepower to do much this season, but their division and Lambeau give them a small shot at the playoffs, but I won't be rooting for them.


21. Carolina Panthers
Jake Delhomme wasn't drafted out of college...when he went to the Super Bowl we all wondered why...since then we have all been reminded why that is. He has one of the best recievers in the game in Steve Smith, a good RB tandem in Foster and Williams, and a strong defense and yet they can't seem to put together a full good season. They could surprise some people if they put it all together and play like they did in 2003, but history tells us not to
trust these Panthers.

20. Tennesee Titans
Vince Young put together an amazing rookie season for a QB...then he let Madden put him on the cover. Its not that i totally believe in the Madden curse, but honestly when was the last time a player was put on the cover and managed to duplicate the performance that got them there. It hasn't happened as far back as I can remember. Not too mention if Vince Young is to duplicate what he did at the end of last year over the course of an entire season it would be absolutely amazing. Remember when Michael Vick came into the league and put together some of those amazing plays and still never made it to a Super Bowl? Vince Young will be similar, and if given the right weapons might be able to take it one step further and make it to a Super Bowl (if he doesn't end up in jail first). However, I dont think he will ever win one, and he wont make it there until Peyton Manning retires and he has a shot at his division title. Until then dont pick Vince Young in fantasy, and don't count on them to make the playoffs.

19. San Fransisco 49ers
I'm sold on Alex Smith, he is a smart kid who has been in the system for awhile and is just now getting a good supporting cast around him. I still think they are a year and a couple draft picks away from making it to the next level, but their defense and offense has been improved a great deal, they need to find a quality backup RB to take some of the miles off of Frank Gore and his fake knees, but give Alex Smith a year with these weapons and the 49ers can be a force in the NFC west in the near future.

18. Arizona Cardinals
Matt Leinart, Anquan Boldin, Larry Fitzgerald, Edgerrin James and Levi Brown will put together a good offense and Matt Leinart is a proven winner and is the right guy to have a chance to turn around the Cardinals. I won't believe that they have what it takes til i see it, but the offense is good enough to win a few games and perhaps take a week division. Their D isn't all that good, but Adrian Wilson is one of the most underrated players in the league and I think the Cardinals could challenge for the division crown.

17. Jacksonville Jaguars
David Gerrard is the poor man's Byron Leftwich only maybe a little healthier. They are both nothing more than game managers and will only lose you games and not do much to win them for you. With that said they somehow manage to rack up at least 8 wins every season so I give mad props to their coaching staff. Their division has the Colts at the top and their shot at the playoffs has to come through the wild card but I think the AFC is too strong for them to find a spot this year.

16. Atlanta Falcons
I am a strong believer in the idea that QB's who do not have success with the Bengals, Lions, Cardinals, Dolphins, and Browns should be given an exemption before proclaiming they are no good. For this reason I have some faith in Joey Harrington because I dont think Joe Montana would have won in Detroit with the miserable team Harrington had around him. However, I rank him slightly higher than Gerrard as a game manager, because i think he is capable of making 1 to 2 impact plays a game (whether good or bad) that will change the outcome. All that being said, his receivers can't catch and the dog fighting issues will cloud this team all season. I say they are an 8-8 team because of coaching, and in much better shape to move on without after the season.

15. Houston Texans
The signed Ahman Green one year after passing on Reggie Bush. Not exactly the answer if you ask me. Matt Schaub has a chance to be better than David Carr but only if he doesn't spend the season on his ass being sacked 60 times. Their defense is young and improving, but the AFC is too tough for them to have a shot at any draft pick past 20 next season.

14. Pittsburgh Steelers
I have never thought Ben Roethlisberger was very good, and just figured last year was the first time he was exposed. It will be interesting to see what a new coaching staff will do but I dont think they make the playoffs in a strong division. With that being said it wouldnt surprise me if they put together a pretty good season and made a run.

13. Philadelphia Eagles
I don't know that McNabb is totally heathly, but even at 85% I think he is better than most of the QB's in the NFL. I think that Reggie Brown is your breakout receiver of the year fantasy wise, but in the NFL you need to have a running game, and Brian Westbrook fantasy stud that he is, is not a true running back. With that said I think their defense and McNabb are good enough to get them into the playoffs as a wild card.

12. New York Jets
Last year they had a heathly team and a very easy schedule. But the way the NFL flows is that you are rewarded for a good season with a harder schedule. I do think that Mangini has a chance to be very Bill Belicheck like, but I think the problem for him is that Chad Pennington is no Tom Brady...maybe if he is lucky Pennington will tear his shoulder for the 45th time in the playoffs and Kellen Clemons will come in in the snow and lead them to a super bowl win. Either that or they will have to wait til Tom Brady's son JET grows up and becomes their quarterback.

11. Dallas Cowboys
Tony Romo is Ok, but the NFC is weak and I think they have a shot at the playoffs. After having Bill Parcells as the coach the players might play a little lighter in the feet and step it up on Defense now that they arent playing scared. TO will put up good numbers, and their RB situation is strong. Their D looks to be much improved and I pick them to win their division

10. Seattle Seahawks
I don't like the Seahawks and it may just be my East Coast Bias but I have never been sold on them as a good team, they do have a huge advantage with their home field advantage and that will be enough to put them over the edge and get the to the playoffs, however, I don't have them winning the division. Shaun Alexander is getting extremely old for a RB and their receivers are adequate at best. They were a bad snap away from going out in the first round last year to a Dallas team with a 1st year QB, i predict an early exit this season too

9. Baltimore Ravens
Many people have picked the Ravens to win their division and being a Bengals fan that would be sacreligious. Also I have good reasons as to why they won't be 13-3 good as they were last year. This is my reasoning: Kyle Boller is Steve McNairs backup. I don't know if you have ever seen Kyle Boller play, but he is by far the most entertaining QB i have ever watched, he looks like he has no idea what is going on. Last year he came in for a game and threw 3 TD's but two of them were tipped passes that just happened to end up in Ravens receivers hands. I was really hoping the Ravens would give Boller another 3 years to try and figure things out last year but they signed McNair instead. But here is why i think they will struggle, McNair played in 17 games last season and I don't believe a 34 year old QB with a history of injuries can sustain a 16 game season no matter how much better Willis McGahee is than Jamal Lewis.

8. Saint Louis Rams
Stephen Jackson is the real deal and is quite capable of having 2500 total yards. Marc Bulger and Torry Holt are highly underrated and their division is up for grabs. I think that they can win that division and whenever you have a RB who can do what Stephen Jackson can do they are capable of beating any team in the NFC in the playoffs...watch out I dont know if you can call this team a sleeper anymore, but they have what it takes to make a run

7. Denver Broncos
Mike Shannahan hates fantasy owners and is likely to have 3 900 yard rushers who score 4 td's each. Jay Cutler has a good enough team to make up for his inexperience, and their defense is motivated by the death of Darrent Williams in the off season. Denver always competes for a playoff spot and this year is no different

6. Cincinnati Bengals
Carson Palmer should be fully recovered from his knee surgery of 2 seasons ago, and the receivers are as good as any in the NFL, with Chris Henry coming back half way through the season as a pick me up. Their Defense will have to rely on turnovers if they are going to be successful...this team can (and hopefully will) do something, but an injury or two could seriously hurt them as they arent that deep. Notice i have been overly critical of all the teams in this ranking and don't know that the Bengals are exactly the 6th best team, but they are my team and therefore are going to get my support regardless of how weak their defense really is.

5. New Orleans Saints
They got blown up in the opener, but I dont think that is going to be a microcosm of their season. Reggie Bush is capable of being the biggest impact player the league has ever seen, and Drew Brees can flat out throw...their defense needs to step up and play better than they did against the colts, but this team will rebound and win their division.

4. Indianapolis Colts
The chances of repeating as champs in the NFL is nearly impossible, but I think Peyton has what it takes if anyone is going to do it. He got the monkey off his back last year and should have the confidence he needs to do it again. The talk has been about the losses on defense, but their defense was no good last year so how much worse can the be...besides did anyone else watch Peyton Manning absolutely destroy Jason David on Thursday??? I dont really think their losses are hurting them so much...in fact they appear to be helping them

3. Chicago Bears
their D is good enough to win them enough games to win their division which has no real contenders in it...the hard challenge for them will be trying to play football when they lock the division up early. They made it to the Super Bowl with Rex Grossman as their QB and he can't possibly be as bad as last year...although i think they will win the most games in the NFC I think New Orleans will end up in the Super Bowl. Devin Hester changed quite a few games but remember when Dante Hall did the same thing a few years ago? People learn not to kick the ball to you and when you don't touch the ball you can't make plays. Hall had no TD's the next year, Hester might have 1. Thomas Jones loss is huge because Benson has never proven he can carry a full load.

2. New England Patriots
Last year Tom Brady had nothing and he still led the team to victory. This year the WR they brought in will help him have a career year, but i think their aging Defense and cheaters like Rodney Harrison will keep them one game short of the Super Bowl.

1. San Diego Chargers
LT, Antonio Gates, and Phillip Rivers, paired with the most explosive defense in the NFL will take this team to the Super Bowl and win the whole thing. I am not a huge Norv Turner fan, but he knows the system and has some of the best talent in the league. His coaching moves will be just enough to move them past where they were last year with Schottenheimer. LT wins Super Bowl MVP...I know im really going out on a limb there.

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